Here's how to attract the best possible partner

Whenever I start working with a new client, we quickly develop their list of desires for their dream partner. 

And one thing I notice in almost every single case is that the client is seeking things from a partner that she feels deficient in herself.

For example, she might prioritize financial success or a healthy lifestyle in potential dates. But all the while she feels financially unstable and doesn’t really live in alignment with her own health values.

In my experience, this is a sure sign of seeking someone to complete ourselves instead of seeking someone to add value to an already fulfilling life.

And I’m not throwing any shame at this. I’ve been there myself!

This is the way most people have been socialized to view relationships: 

Find someone to complete myself.

Find someone to fill the void.

Find someone to make the pain stop.

But ultimately that way of relating to another person is a form of emotional vampirism.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s natural for people in a healthy relationship to balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses. 

But this style of relating is much different.

It’s based on needing this other person instead of wanting them.

So ultimately, we end up seeking love to serve ourselves.

But real love is inherently generous and other-oriented. 

To love someone else is to see their true essence and know that they deserve the very best. 

It’s finding joy in someone else’s joy, and wanting only the best for them.

Think about the way you love your children or your pets. You don’t need them to offer you anything or fill a deficiency within yourself in order to love them. You just love them. Their joy is your joy. Their pain is your pain.

And that’s the type of energy we need to bring to our dating lives.

So, what’s the solution?

Become the person you’re seeking!

What does this mean?

Look at your list of qualities that you want in a partner and make sure that you also possess all of these qualities and skills.

If you want someone who’s financially stable, you must also become financially stable.

If you want someone who’s emotionally intelligent, you must also become emotionally intelligent.

Here’s why this is so critical to your success in finding love:

1. By becoming what you’re seeking, you’ll fill all the holes that you’re looking to fill with someone else. This means you’ll become increasingly secure in yourself, which also means that your quality of life will improve and your standards for partners will improve.

2. From this place you’ll become a beacon for people who match you at your new level. The harsh reality is that we attract others based on the level we’re at. If you want someone who has their shit together, you have to be someone who has their shit together. Like attracts like, it’s as simple as that. 

So, give this a try today. 

Go look at your list of qualities for your dream partner and find the ones that don’t feel fully aligned in your own life. Be honest with yourself. This isn’t a blame game. It’s an opportunity to break through where you may be stuck. 

And remember, you win either way because your sense of internal security and self-love will skyrocket as you address any areas where you feel deficient.

When my clients up their own game, they become magnets for amazing partners! And you can too! 

Let me know how it goes. I love hearing about your wins on this journey!

You deserve great love, so let’s make it happen!